Beside the Fire
by theladyisolde
Summary: Secrets are explored, and uncovered.


Night was coming down after a long day searching for Morgana's Saxon warriors. Arthur and Merlin were the only two from Camelot left awake. They had been out on patrol, having heard about a potential attack on a supply wagon to Camelot, and so far there had been no sign of it. Though the pressure had been high, and the atmosphere intense, the knights had relaxed a little, anticipating a false alarm and a early morning trek back to the citadel. The moon light glinted between the trees, Merlin looked up to catch the first stars in the evening sky. He had little hope in the dense forests surrounding Camelot, but he had a dreamer's heart. Arthur did not have a dreamer's heart, he had a very straight forward nature. His primary concern was for his people, everything else came second including himself, no time for star gazing. Arthur had already retired, lying close to the dying fire, but not yet sleeping, watching Merlin trying to bring it back to life.

Merlin's concern was for Arthur, ever since he had been told his destiny by the Great Dragon, that he and Arthur were two sides to the same coin, the precise meaning of those words had circled in his mind. There was little doubt that Merlin and Arthur were closer than just manservant and lord, but Arthur was so close to all his knights. He had that special touch, apart from being a total arrogant royal brat. He was the son of his father, and that was all. Nothing like Uther in his manner. Arthur was someone else, special, and Merlin well knew that. Merlin had powers far greater than even he could imagine, but Arthur did not know this. In a sense they did not really know each other. Though they had been through so much together, there was a part of Merlin, he could not share with Arthur, and it pained him to know deep inside that he was not completely open with his closest companion and comrade.

Little did Merlin know that Arthur too had a secret. It had happened sometime after Arthur had first met Merlin, he discovered his feelings were deeper than he had imagined for the young warlock, deeper than they should ever have been. When Merlin was not there, Arthur missed him, missed him more than he should. He had never confided the truth of his longings for Merlin to anyone, not even Gaius, who by chance might have lent an understanding ear, perhaps told him it was a phase, nothing to worry about. He acted out, fused, bullied, hit and teased Merlin without cease, Arthur would do anything to hide the true nature of his feelings for Merlin. He had no clue as to whether Merlin felt the same way, too many obstacles, the boundary between servant and lord, to possibly enquire. The scandal in Camelot would be absolute, and his father would doubtlessly not approve. There was no template for these feelings, his heart was tempting him to explore territory whilst his head was screaming not to go down. He persuaded himself to be content with Merlin's companionship and loyalty, knowing full well there could be no future if feelings were allowed to develop further. It was not that the young prince had not had feelings for the fairer sex, quite the opposite. His appetite for women was well developed, and few could resist his charms. More than once Uther had to send Gaius with potions to restrain young princesses, or revive them, after becoming victims of Arthur's charms. The future of Camelot was safe, knowing that Arthur was more than likely to bring forth another heir to the throne.

And that is what it came down too, Camelot, and Gwen.

Arthur studied Merlin in low light. He studied his brow, the curve of his lips, and that absent minded look he gave whilst lost in his own thoughts. Arthur could hardly guess what was in Merlin's mind nor would he try to guess. He knew what he shared with Merlin, he did not share with anyone else. He would do nothing to alienate or upset the balance between them. Since Gwen had left with Lancelot, their bond had become more intense, admittedly, but then Arthur had sort comfort in the presence of Gaius and Merlin, until they found reason to ask the crowned prince to leave Gaius's chambers, whilst they conducted important 'work'. He rationalised to himself that the increasingly closeness he felt with Merlin was down to the increased time they spent together, now.

Little did he know, Merlin was struggling silently with his own confused feelings for Arthur. The Great Dragon had only concerned himself with advice about the great destiny that Arthur and Merlin shared, he did not prepare Merlin for this, such deep intensity of love, yes, love for the prince. Unlike Arthur, Merlin had confided his feelings for Arthur to Gaius, and received a great deal more understanding than he ever imagined from his adoptive father. Such deep friendships, powerful bonds, and yes even love, between warlocks, witches and ordinary men and women were not unheard of during the time of the old religion, Gaius reassured Merlin, 'what you are feeling for Arthur is perfectly natural, though I have no notion of whether Arthur returns the intensity of your feeling for him. It would be wiser to conceal your feelings, as you know full well, that in order to protect Arthur and to help him fulfil his destiny, he can have no reason to reject you. Sublimate your feelings for him to a higher purpose, and keep an eye on young Freya, the serving girl, I think she has an eye for you, that is if you like girls, young Merlin.' And Merlin did still like the girls. Gaius had given the young warlock ancient and unheard of books on the lives of famous magical folk to bring him comfort and clarity to his confused feelings.

There were many times Merlin sensed something more between himself and Arthur, a kind of tension he could not yet name. Moments when Arthur had perhaps let down his usual arrogant egoistical guard and showed more vulnerability, more of his true self to Merlin. Hints that the bond went deeper than friendship, to something else, perhaps love did not really describe it, maybe the threads of a shared destiny. He knew that Gwen was Arthur's true love, but if it were possible to love more than one person, than maybe there was a chance? Merlin dismissed the thought as too distracting. How could Arthur ever love him? He did not really know him for his true self as a warlock, surely he would have him hanged.

Arthur continued gazing upon Merlin as he attempted to light the fire in the twilight. As Merlin struggled with lighting the fire, Arthur berated his uselessness, and decided to try a hand at lighting it himself and moved from his position. As Arthur removed the flint from Merlin's hand, there was a moment they touched, causing both young men to flinch, and Arthur with raised eye brows mumbled an apology. As Arthur tried to light the fire, Merlin watched, breathlessly, his heart pounding, hairs on the back of his arms raised. Arthur bit his lip, in response to the nervous tension building in his body which was now so close to Merlin's. It was confusing and frightening and it made him want to embrace his friend and at the sometime run away and never see him again.

Arthur realised he was not making much head way with the fire lighting, and caught Merlin's eye and the two stared for longer than was comfortable. Merlin was the first to break the connection and look away. 'I could solve this problem, very easily', murmured Merlin, 'I have magic'.

The atmosphere broke. Merlin knew this moment would determine his future. Arthur's heart stopped torn between his hatred of magic, and his blossoming love for Merlin. 'I only use my magic to serve you,' Merlin continued, 'never for evil. I had to hide it from you, so many times I have protected you with my powers, magic is needed to fight magic, and I am your servant, as well as your sorcerer.'

Arthur's heart was ripping open under the strain of all the conflicting emotions. 'You lied to me,' he finally said in a soft yet authoritative tone, 'I no longer know what to say. I should tell you to leave, banish you, have you hanged, a threat to the kingdom at the highest level.' Arthur knew inside, he could never do that, no matter how hard he tried. Merlin could never be plotting against him, why reveal his magic now? And he could never send his deepest friend away.

'I want to see your magic. This part of yourself I have never had a chance to know. Light this fire.' Merlin did as he was bidden. The fire posed little challenge to the powerful warlock, his eyes flashed gold, and Arthur knew it was true, his Merlin was a sorcerer.

'In many ways I am grateful to be finally able to show you who I am, for so long I have wanted you to know me for who I really am. For I love you and always have.' It was Merlin's heart which was ripping apart, what had gotten into him, surely this would tip the scales on his life? This was the future heir to Camelot he was talking to, his friend and master. Surely now Arthur would reject him, but inside, he knew that he would rather live in truth than continuing to live his life as a lie. And then Arthur said something that brought Merlin back from potentially falling into the depths of despair.

'I love you, too. I have no idea what will come next, how I will accept this magic, how Camelot will accept it, but I know, I love you.'

The two men sat in the silence and stared into the dark, and after a time, Merlin began to laugh, joy filling his heart.


End file.
